Parents often resort to phrases like "you can't," "it's not allowed," or "don't do that," which can make children feel anxious and less empowered. The key lies in presenting the world to children and explaining various relationships in a way that promotes understanding and cooperation.
Why avoid negative messages?
Using negative messages can make them less effective over time, and children might feel unfairly treated. Instead, it's beneficial to adopt an approach that encourages cooperation and positive behavior.
Strategies for communication without "no"
● Switch "No" to "Yes"
Focus on what the child can do instead of what they cannot. For example, instead of saying, "Don't lean out," say, "Hold onto the railing tightly."
● Highlight the consequences
Explain the consequences of their actions in an understandable way. For instance, rather than saying, "Don't run with the cup," say, "If you drop the cup, it might break."
● Express your own feelings and concerns
Sharing your feelings can help the child understand why certain behaviors are undesirable. An example could be, "I'm worried something might happen to you when you run so close to the street."
● Control the situation with a question
Asking questions that encourage the child to think about their actions can be more effective than prohibitions. For example, instead of saying, "Don't climb," ask, "Are you sure that's safe to do?"
● Observe and react proactively
Anticipating and responding to a child's behavior before something dangerous happens can help avoid the need for prohibitions. For example: "Let's see if we can find a safer place to play."
What to avoid?
● Scaring them with consequences,
● Over-warning,
● Transferring your own fears onto the child,
● Stifling the child's curiosity.
Summary
Changing the way we communicate with children takes time and patience but is crucial for supporting their development and building a healthy relationship. Adopting alternative communication methods can bring long-term benefits - better understanding, greater cooperation, and the development of positive behaviors. By focusing on the positive aspects of behavior rather than prohibitions, parents can better convey their expectations and support children in exploring the world safely.
