Shyness is a natural trait that can appear in children of various ages and at different levels of intensity. Its most common causes include the child’s sensitivity, fear of being judged by others, or a lack of confidence in a new environment. At TEQUESTA, we often encounter children with a wide range of temperaments and personalities – including those who are more withdrawn. Because we care about supporting the development of every Little One, we are sharing a few tips and pieces of advice on how to help a shy child gain self-confidence and a sense of security.
1. Understanding Shyness
What is Shyness?
Shyness can be defined as a sense of discomfort or emotional tension in social situations. A withdrawn child often needs more time to adjust to a new environment, a new group of peers, or adults. It is worth noting that shyness is not a problem in itself – it only becomes troublesome when it limits the child’s ability to actively participate in social or educational life.
Shyness and Innate Sensitivity
Some children are born with a higher level of sensitivity and are, therefore, more prone to shyness. Others may experience stress connected with moving house, changing preschools, or being in a foreign-language environment. At TEQUESTA, we work with young citizens of the world – some are only just learning English, while others have recently arrived in Poland. Understanding their situation and individual needs can be the key to success in addressing shyness.
2. The Role of Parents in Overcoming Shyness
Acceptance and Emotional Support
The most important thing is to adopt a supportive and understanding attitude. A child who feels they can count on their parents, and whose concerns are treated seriously and with empathy, will find it much easier to open up to new challenges.
Avoiding “Labeling”
Pay attention not to label the child as “shy” in front of others. Such labeling can reinforce the child’s sense of insecurity and trap them in that role. Instead, try to highlight their strengths – for example, their sensitivity, observational skills, or thoughtfulness toward others.
Setting a Good Example
Children learn from adults by observing how they behave in various situations. If a child sees their parents establish friendly relationships with others, engage in conversation, and strive to be open even in a new environment, they will begin to mimic these patterns. Of course, everyone can experience moments of uncertainty, but it is important to show children how to cope with them.
3. Building a Child’s Self-Confidence
Small Steps and Gradual Challenges
It is important for a child to gradually become accustomed to social situations. If, for instance, a child has difficulty making contact with peers, start with play in a small group at home or in preschool with one or two peers. Over time, you can introduce bigger challenges – for example, speaking in front of the class.
Praising Progress
Nothing boosts a child’s confidence as effectively as praise. Acknowledge their efforts, even if the progress is small. Simple words like, “I’m proud of you for saying hello to the new friend today,” or “I’m glad you shared your toy with your classmate,” show the child that you notice and appreciate their efforts to overcome their internal barriers.
Strengthening Positive Thinking
Help your child change the way they think about themselves. Instead of “I’m scared to speak up in front of the class because I’ll look silly,” suggest a different perspective: “Maybe someone else is also nervous, and your comment will help them break the ice.” This change of outlook can be crucial in calming the negative thoughts that accompany shyness.
4. Support from the Preschool
The Role of the Teaching Staff
At TEQUESTA, our teachers and caregivers are trained to work with shy children as well. Our international staff fosters a friendly and accepting atmosphere within the group. Children learn how to cooperate, how to support each other, and how to gently encourage one another to take action.
Individualized Approach
A multicultural environment supports relationship-building – children learn various communication methods, empathy, and openness. In each preschool group, we strive to give shy children the opportunity to join activities at their own pace. Knowing each child’s abilities and needs, the teacher suggests suitable tasks and games.
Small Groups and Varied Activities
Sometimes, shyness becomes more pronounced in a larger group. For this reason, activities at TEQUESTA are conducted not only with the entire class but also in smaller teams or individually. This setup allows shy preschoolers to feel safer and encourages them to express their ideas.
5. Specific Exercises to Help a Shy Child
Role-Playing Games
Suggest playing “little theater” at home. Short skits – for instance, a conversation with a new friend at preschool, a visit to the doctor, or shopping – allow your child to practice social situations in a safe environment, while taking into account their individual emotions.
Mirror Activities
Encourage your child to sing, recite a poem, or practice their lines in front of a mirror. This helps them learn how to control their facial expressions, see themselves in a positive light, and gain confidence for public performances.
“Blind” Tasks
Some preschools use short integrative games, for example, a “treasure box,” where a child draws a question or task and then answers in front of the group. However, it is vital to introduce such activities gradually and be mindful of the shy child’s needs – never forcing them to perform if they are not ready.
6. Coping with Challenging Situations
Crises in the Process of Overcoming Shyness
Shy children may occasionally experience setbacks in social anxiety, especially during times of change (for example, moving to a new group, the start of the school year, or the arrival of a sibling). At such moments, it is important to offer extra support and guide the child through difficulties once again with empathy.
Avoiding Pressure and Comparisons
Pressure from the environment – such as forcing quick and loud self-presentations – can impede overcoming shyness. Comparing the child to siblings or peers (e.g., “Look, your brother did great in the play, and you won’t even try!”) signals to the child that something is wrong with them, potentially reinforcing the issue. Instead, focus on what the child does well and on the small steps that lead to more significant changes.
7. When to Consult a Specialist
Shyness that prevents a child from functioning normally (for example, refusing to go to preschool, withdrawing, experiencing sleep problems, or complaining of stomachaches at the mere thought of meeting peers) may require psychological support. In this situation:
- Talk with the child’s teacher – This will help determine how the child is functioning in preschool and which situations are particularly difficult for them.
- Consult a psychologist or educator – A specialist will propose specific exercises, techniques, and methods to help overcome social fears.
Remember that early intervention can significantly improve the situation. The sooner we notice concerning signals and take action, the easier it will be for the child to regain emotional balance.
8. Shyness as an Asset?
Although shyness is often seen as a trait that needs to be “overcome,” it can also be linked to high empathy and sensitivity. Such children can accurately sense the mood within a group, are very observant, and once they trust someone, they form deep bonds. From our preschool’s perspective, these skills are extremely valuable in a multicultural environment.
At TEQUESTA, we believe that every child – whether very outgoing or more reserved – deserves an individualized approach. Shyness does not have to be an obstacle to exploring the world and developing social skills. With the right support from parents and teaching staff, a child can overcome their fears and bolster their confidence in their own abilities.
The most important steps in working with a shy child include:
- Acceptance and support – the child needs time and positive reinforcement.
- Gradual adaptation – small steps, small successes.
- Avoiding labels and pressure – focusing on possibilities, not limitations.
- Creating a safe environment – both at home and in preschool, ensuring a friendly atmosphere.
- Reinforcing self-esteem – praising every success, even small changes.
We hope these guidelines will help you understand your shy child better and support them on their developmental path. Remember that each Little One is unique, and our task – as adults – is to create the conditions in which they can discover their potential, take joy in acquiring new skills, and build relationships with the world around them in their own special way.
